These Feelings I Try to Confess
by GoldenHeadphones
Summary: Delirious can't deny the pull of his heart, but it's threatening to tear it apart. If he can't confess to Vanoss how much he loves him, he probably won't be able to ever again. H2OVANOSS
1. Chapter 1

**I know I know I'm sorry it's not Markicest! It's just that I need a break from that before I get back into it again!**

 **So, instead have some H20Vanoss, my second best OTP.**

 **Just to let you know, everyone is their GTA character. I just can't write them as their real form. Also Delirious doesn't have his clown face paint.**

...

The past few days, Delirious had found himself clutching a pillow while he was trying to drift off to sleep. He was never conscious about it, he would just realize he was doing it when he would try to change his position on his bed. And it always made the masked man- yes, he even slept with his mask on- bury his face into the cushion when he found out why he did.

He always hated thinking about it, but his mind always refused to let him forget it, as if it knew something. Delirious tried to push the thought away _every single time_ , but _he_ would always manage to creep back into his mind once again.

 _I love Vanoss._

Delirious felt ashamed when he finally admitted to himself that he did. And it always broke his heart when he realized that his best friend wouldn't accept him.

Ripped it in half.

And threw it on the floor.

' _God Dammet Vanoss.'_ Delirious thought to himself as he pressed his cheek into his soft pillow. The man hadn't left his mind ever since the other day, when they had gone out on a mission together.

…..

" _Come on man!" Vanoss whispered loudly to Delirious, who was cowering next to him, his back against the wall. He noticed that the man was violently trembling, his gun on the verge of slipping from his fingers. The masked man looked up, his face hidden by his hockey mask._

" _I-I," He was stuttering like crazy, and his gun had finally crashed to the ground. They were lucky that it hadn't gone off and alerted the gangsters that were still unaware of their presence. "I d-don't think I-I can do th-this…" He finished, turning his head away._

 _Vanoss looked at him with a sympathetic look, and quietly placed his gun on the ground. He stepped towards his friend. Delirious looked up when his hand landed on his shoulder, and he could finally feel how badly he was shaking._

" _Don't worry," He said, bringing his other hand to his friend's shoulder and giving it a little shake, "I won't let anything happen to you."_

 _He slowly brought his friend into a hug, and he immediately felt the other's nose dig into the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around the masked man's back, and he felt the other do the same. They stayed like that for a while, but Vanoss was okay with it. He would do anything to help his friend feel better. It just meant so much to him to make sure he was happy._

 _He pulled away, finding that he wasn't shaking anymore, and looked at the other's mask, a smile on his face. Delirious seemed to have gained new strength, for his posture had changed from a pitiful slump, to a confident stand._

 _They both picked up their guns, and held them ready. Vanoss looked back up at his friend, a smirk on his face._

" _So, are we ready?" He asked, his smile widening and his head tilting slightly. Delirious stared back at him, a grin anonymously forming behind his hockey mask._

" _Yeah, let's do this."_

…..

Delirious loved that day. He always loved the feeling Vanoss gave him when they hugged, but hated how he made himself feel when he thought about his attraction towards him. It made him want to scream into his pillow until he would feel like he lost his voice.

So that's exactly what he did.

Turning his head, he slammed his head into the cushion, and yelled at the top of his lungs. He didn't care if his neighbors heard his screaming, he didn't care if he would regret this in the morning. The emotions that his best friend had given him were just too much to bear.

Eventually, screaming led to crying, and Delirious soon found himself instead sobbing in his pillow, tears being caught by his mask. He was hiccupping almost as soon as he started to cry, and his chest was starting to hurt from them- not that it already hurt from the heartache he was experiencing.

Removing his head from the cushion- now moist from the tears it had soaked in- he held his head in his hands, trying to recollect his thoughts. He only got more frustrated when his mask got in the way, so he ripped it off and threw it across the room.

"God, fucking, dammet! Fuck off mask!" He screamed as it hit the wall, shattering into many pieces. Delirious didn't care, like he didn't care about much right then.

He buried his head in his hands once again, and breathed in shaky breaths until he felt his hands stop shaking. He could feel streaks of tears running down his arms, and he removed his hands from his eyes to see his arms soaked.

Drying off his limbs on his sheets, he finally decided to do something about this- _thing_ \- before it tore him apart.

Jumping out of bed, he glanced at the digital clock that lay on his nightstand. It read two o'clock in the morning, but Delirious could work with that. It wasn't like his mind was in working order right now anyways.

Throwing on a blue shirt and jacket followed by a pair of black jeans, he reached up to feel for his mask, but realized it wasn't there. Frantically swaying his head around, he found in in pieces next to the wall.

" _Shit_." He said, walking over to it and picking up some of the pieces. He sure didn't want Vanoss to see his face, but he had come too far to stop now. Throwing the pieces back down on the floor, he quickly slipped on some sneakers before exiting his room, picking up his car keys before heading out his front door.

Walking out to his car, he pressed a button on the pair of keys to unlock his car, then opened the door to the automobile and climbing in. Finding the right key and sliding it into the keyhole and turning it, only then did he realize the reality of the situation he was getting himself into.

Leaning back in his seat, he ran a hand through his hair, eyes wide with fear. "The fuck am I doing?" He asked himself, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. A rejection from his best friend sure wasn't going to help his emotional state at the moment.

Finding himself again and leaning forward in his seat, he grabbed the steering wheel and finally decided to go on with this ridiculous plan, though he still had a certain tug in his chest that threatened to overpower the pull of his heart that told him not to do it. Trying to ignore it, he pulled out of the driveway, and headed to Vanoss's house.

…..

 **Ahh I'll make this a two-part story, so I'll at least have one complete story to call my own.**

 **Please excuse my shitty writing it's like 12:45 at night so my mind is mush. Also that's why I cussed so many times.**

 **Yeah, I'll get back to Markicest after this story is complete. I'm so sorry for the people who wanted more of that.**


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to Vanoss's house seemed so short, even though it took half an hour to get there. Delirious felt like only seconds had passed when he realized that he had pulled up to his friend's driveway, the headlights of his car glinting off of the windows of the expensive home.

He passed interesting things when he drove, but he never stopped to keep staring. His mind was too wrapped up in what he was going to say.

" _Hey, I've been madly in love with you ever since we cuddled the other day!"_

No, Vanoss would think he was crazy and slam the door in his face.

" _Look, I think that I'm gay."_

 _No_! That would be terrible!

Every line of phrase that popped into Delirious's mind would be swiftly rejected; either it be too subtle or just plain stupid. He found himself thinking like that a lot, actually. He was too far into his head, because everything going on around him would've caught his attention immediately if he was just sitting there.

He passed two dogs battling it out for a piece of rotting meat. A malicious looking man who looked like he was dragging a body into the dark alleys between the brick buildings. Hell, he even passed a car that had a hooker and some guy(Delirious actually wasn't sure which gender they were) fucking inside some car. He would've pulled to the curb and watched them, then jack off to it later.

He really didn't care about it at all, he just wanted to get his feelings mixed out with Vanoss.

Leaning back in the car seat, he stared at the ceiling, failing at thinking about anything he was going to say. ' _Fuck it_ ' He thought, taking the keys out of the car and climbing out of the door. Standing outside of the house brought a fresh wave of fear over him, and he thought about how much he could get hurt over rejection.

It sure wouldn't hurt more than to keep his feelings to himself, then let them tear his heart apart.

Stuffing the car keys into the pocket of his jeans, he walked up the pathway that led to his Vanoss's front door. He felt his hands start to shake, and his entire body follow, threatening to make his knees buckle and cause him to fall face-first on the ground.

Forcing himself to calm down, Delirious walked up he brick steps, trying to keep himself together. The porch light was on, which signaled that his friend was home and okay to ring the doorbell. Raising his hand up and getting ready to press the button, that dreaded wave of fear enveloped him again. He watched his finger start to tremble.

' _No,'_ Delirious thought to himself, _'you've come too far to stop now.'_

Finally, with fresh courage, he pressed the button, hearing the clock-like tone on the other side of the door. He stood there for a long time, or it felt like that to the masked man. He felt like everything was playing in slow-motion.

When the door finally creaked open, it almost made Delirious jump three feet into the air.

As it slowly opened, he could see Vanoss's tank-topped body being revealed. He looked like a God with the porch light raining down on him. And it only made it worse that the masked man could see his muscular frame through the white, thin fabric and even the bulge in his pajama pants.

The man's eyes were squinted, and his already spiky hair was even messier, sticking out in all kinds of different directions. The inside of the house behind him was dim, with only one light to slice through the darkness.

"Delirious?" He asked, bringing his head forward and squinting his eyes more. "The hell are you doing here at 2:30 in the morning?" He softly said, confusion twisting his face. Vanoss took a second to look up and down his friend's body, then stared him right in the eye, even more confusion flooding his face. "And why don't you have your mask on?"

The palms of Delirious's hands were now almost dripping in sweat, and his entire body was soon to follow. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find something interesting to the side of him so he wouldn't have to look into Vanoss's- _hypnotizing_ \- eyes.

"U-uh, yeah," He said, forcing himself to stare back at him. "I think this'll take a while, so I should probably come in."

After a few questioning stares and a confused "Alright?" Delirious was let in Vanoss's house. He stood up in the living room, while Vanoss sat on the couch, still drowsy from the sudden wake-up. The blue-shirted man seemed to be holding his breath, and he noticed that his hands were trembling.

"Well, um- oh fuck how do I start this?" He asked himself, digging his hand through his hair. Vanoss really didn't care about that. He was too busy admiring the face that had been concealed from him for so long.

"Alright, so first of all: Do you remember the other day when we were on that mission?" Delirious asked, throwing his arms out in front of him. His friend only looked at him with a confused look on his face, but slowly nodded his head.

"So when you hugged me I guess it- awakened- some part of me and now I… I," He couldn't finish. His lips started to quiver, and he could feel his eyes getting wet. He felt himself starting to pace the living room floor, making hand motions whenever he could. "I think I have a crush on you-"

He didn't stop long enough to see what kind of expression had taken over his friend's face. He just let everything that he had been holding up in his heart spill out.

"I'm not sure when it started!"

"I'm not sure if you even like guys!"

"Where was I going with this?!"

Delirious really didn't care that Vanoss was registering everything that his psychotic friend was saying- and that it made him happy to hear. Nor did he notice that he had stood up, and walked over to him. The next time that the blue-shirted man turned around to start a new round of pacing, Vanoss was there, a blank stare on his face.

Scaring Delirious into freezing in his tracks, he stared up at the slightly-taller man, anticipating a few harsh words or even a pop in the nose. But nothing came. They just stood there, staring into each other's eyes, waiting for the other to make a move.

Vanoss was the first to, and Delirious couldn't be happier that he did.

Gently grabbing his face, Vanoss closed the space in between them quickly so that they're lips met. The tears that the blue-shirted man was trying to hold in so that he wouldn't become a hot mess. It wasn't anything special, it was just gold for the two people experiencing it.

Breaking apart, they both had a look of complete happiness on their faces, happy to have confessed their feelings to each other.

"Look man," He said, still cradling his friend's face in his hands, "it warms my heart to know that you feel that way. And I can't help but confess that I've felt the same way ever since I met you." Tears streaked down Delirious's face, ecstatic to know that his crush felt the same way he did.

He crashed his face into Vanoss's chest, quickly moistening his tank-top. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

Vanoss wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling them closer together. He would stay there for as long as he needed- he would do anything to make his friend happy. When he felt his friend pull away, he did too, placing his hands on the other's shoulders.

"Now, let's get some sleep." Vanoss said to Delirious cheerily. "As I said, it's 2:30 in the damn morning."

The blue-shirted man looked up at him, the tears now dried up- and unlikely to come back- and his face shining bright. "Yeah. I am pretty fucking tired after these past few days."

Chuckling, Vanoss moved to the side, beckoning him to his room.

"Shall we?"

…..

 **Holy shit it's done… *screams***

 **I'll keep this short I'm tired.**

 **So this was a quick story I made up, but if you want I can continue this. It's late at night so this story fucking sucks.**

 **Don't worry I promise the next story will be more Markicest.**

 **Bye**


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